Disclaimer: In no event shall the author be liable for any damages, including, without limitation, direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential or punitive damages arising out of your taking these advice seriously and following any of them. 1. You didn't make your computer. Other people made it for you; other people write programs for you to enjoy yourself. If something doesn't work, it's all their fault, not yours. 2. Never read anything about computers and software! How-tos are for fools, manuals are for dummies, articles are for nerds. EULAs are for overscrupulous blockheads - never bother looking them through before you download. 3. While choosing software to download: never ponder, hesitate, or compare programs. Don't search for reviews and lists. It's boring. Pick a program because: a) its name sounds cool; b) the pop-up ad says it's cool; c) you think you might need this program some day; d) just because. 4. While surfing the Web: if anything pops up, click on it. If it's offering to set your clock, click on "yes". If it says your computer is infected with spyware, click on "scan the system". If a pop-up ad claims it will help you get rid of pop-ups, believe it. 5. When using email: Open every message you get, especially if you don't know who it is from - it may be kind of surprise for you. Open all attachments - what if there's something interesting there? Click on all links in emails. What? Phishing? Shame on you - can't you spell properly? 6. Call "paranoid" those blokes who waste time on checking what they are actually going to download. Why should you do your homework? You are old enough not to bother with all this stuff. Background check? What's it? 7. Never follow anybody's advice. If someone says the program works and it is not free, it's likely he will get commission for advertising. It's all about viral marketing. Remember - All they want is to have your money. 8. Never mind all this hype about information security. If you don't know about something, it doesn't exist (even if it does, it isn't worth knowing about). 9. Don't trust statistics. NCSA and AOL found that 80 per cent of home computers were infected with spyware, while the IDC says it's only 67%. Figures vary so much - who to trust then? So don't bother. 10. Don't try to find out how things work. Learning is for kids. Being curious is for toddlers. (Curiosity killed the cat, you know). Know nothing of this tech rubbish and be proud of it. Techpeople are nerds - don't be one. P.S. When your PC freezes, swear. Blame anybody but yourself. Buy help. Let others sort it out - it's their job. |
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