You've heard the phrases, "We're just not on the same page" or "we're not cut from the same cloth" and "We're not on the same wavelength."

What are they talking about?

It's clear the meaning is "We think/act differently" but when you look closer at the words, they are saying something much more.

Think of it like music.

Take two different pieces of musicif you play them at the same time it's bound to sound terrible. They won't match up and there will be discord, confusing tempos, and that uncomfortable vibration in the air when sound waves are not coherent.

But within the same piece of music, different harmonies contribute to a pleasant sound (we hope).

"We're not on the same wavelength" is really just thattwo pieces of music -or two peoplethat are not harmonizing.

How in the world does this relate to you and your baby?

Well, you and your baby each have your own rhythm, or tempo, that you move through your life with. It's
actually a measurable electromagnetic (EM) field that is strongest in a three-foot diameter radius from the heart. The rhythmic waves emitted are individual, and patterned.

When you are holding your baby, your EM field and your baby's field intersect and interact. You can
imagine radio waves that either blend or clash when interacting.

When we are upset or under stress these EM waves show up as an irregular pattern, incoherent and chaotic. When we are calm, they are regular and coherent. It is nearly impossible to create a harmonic blending of these fields when both of the EM waves are chaotic and dissonant.

This is why it's important to calm yourself before attempting to calm your baby. When baby is upset, her tempo is irregular. She will need mom or dad, or another caregiver with a steady rhythmic heart tempo to help her pull out of her own incoherence, otherwise everyone contributes to more energetic chaos. Like two pieces of music that don't match up.

Each of our rhythms were developed primarily during pregnancy. This is when babies first begin to learn to
regulate their own tempo. And it's where they first interact with their mother's EM field.

What if I was really upset and stressed for the whole pregnancy? Will that matter?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: If you think that your baby experienced primarily incoherent and chaotic patterns while growing prenatally (i.e., Mother was under chronic stress for the duration) she may have adapted to that, and it could be challenging to find a way to blend with you.

Prenatally, your baby learns your patterns and the beginnings of how to regulate her emotions. They become familiarwhether or not they are coherent. If there were only, or mostly, chaotic patterns to imprint from, your baby may not have a solid foundation to learn to regulate her emotions.

The great news is that you can still shift that pattern, starting now.

Use the tips below to get a start on helping your baby and yourself blend and connect, and make beautiful
music together!

TIPS to "match up" with your baby and lift your baby out of "dissonant" EM patterns:
'Find your own heart beat. Put your hand over your heart and follow the beating for a few minutes. This can help you slow down, and listen to yourself, and bring your heart waves into a coherent pattern.
'Slow down. Your baby operates at a much slower pace than you do. To match his, first, slow downspeak more slowly, and move from one activity to another more slowly and repeat yourself.
'Involve your baby in what is happening. Tell him what you are going to do, then what you are doing, then what you did.
'Name his actions. It is very orienting to a baby to have his actions named by you. "Oh, you are reaching for that toy!" "There you are, kicking your feet."

These suggestions can help you to slow down enough that your own EM waves are more regular. Then, you can be more successful bringing your baby into regular, coherent patterns tooand blend beautifully!