The teenage years are a test, for parents and for teachers, but most of all, for the teens themselves. Teens are constantly being tested on life decisions, and they need a lot of guidance at a time of life when they least want to hear it. But much of the time teens are amazingly wise about the issues we worry they will not be able to handle. The trick is to guide them, while allowing them to hold on to that independence they so value.

You can guide your teens by coaching them to arrive at the smart and sensible answers they already know, and just have to discover within themselves.

Here are nine questions you can pose to your kids to develop the process of thinking through their life issues. These questions work in just about any situation, such as peer pressure, school achievement, and dilemmas that come with hard to make choices.

Pick one or two. Don't overload. Sometimes one key question opens the gateway for your teen to reach that "Aha!" moment and do the right thing for his or her life.

Questions for your teen to reflect on:

1. Can you give your full commitment to this plan?

2. Where would you like this decision to take you?

3. What will you do when there are temptations to do something different from what you have planned?

4. What will it feel like to meet this goal?

5. How can you keep remembering that there is a better way to think about some things? [...when you feel yourself slipping.]

6. What will happen when / if you dont follow through? How will you help yourself make a correction?

7. What can you tell yourself if your resolve begins to weaken and you need a confidence boost?

Final Tip: Sometimes teens need a mentor or an adult they respect, who is not their parent. It does not diminish your role as a parent. What is happening when your teens seem to respect the opinion of others though you would have said the very same thing? They are working on the normal adolescent process of growing away from you. The behavior of teens can be very confusing. Remember your teen is exploring how to be with and without you as an integral part of his or her life. If your child does work with a mentor type person, it is a good idea for you to know who the supporting adult is, but once you have trust in that person, stepping aside may be a great gift to your teen. If you do decide to encourage your teen to find a mentor, here's the question to plant:

8. Who is a person you feel comfortable going to, to talk things over when you need a sounding board?

Parents, don't expect feedback, but welcome it. You will get your best feedback in the results you see.

Ellen Mossman-Glazer

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. She now works in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone, teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The Micro Steps.