Homes should be run by parents, not children. So many times, however, either the children are in charge or the parents are so eager to be liked, that whatever rules and standards are talked about; few are enforced, especially on a consistent basis.

Children, whether they are two or 18, feel more confident when they know that you, the adults, are in charge and that their environment is predictable and safe. They need to be taught what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and what is unacceptable, what is appropriate, and what is rude and out of place.

Though they will get mixed or conflicting messages from the television, magazine and friends, they need you to set and enforce clear, respectful rules and limits. They need to know that you expect them to do and be their best. By providing this guidance you will help them learn how to be responsible, contributing members of society.

Consistent boundaries within the family are pretty predictable

Consistency in discipline is the number one factor in successful families: It is important that love, respect, cooperation and expectations are unconditional and not dependant on circumstances or behavior. Here are some common boundaries your family may have;

The car will not start until the seat belt clicks.

Parents must always know the 4 Ws before they are allowed to leave with friends. WHO are the friends, WHERE are they going, WHAT are they doing, and WHEN will they be home.

?A child can count on dinner being at six oclock or there about.

Bedtime is 8:30 on school nights and homework is done before playtime.

Consistent does not mean inflexible or rigid.

But sometimes in life, opportunities come up that make boundaries and rules flexible. A relative visits from out of town, so it might be okay for the kids to stay up till 9:30 one night to enjoy the experience. Rules can bend occasionally, but if they get broken, we are all in trouble.

As long as the family knows that in general, there is a structure and routine that they can count on and limits to what is accepted and what is not, they will flourish in a system that gives them guidelines and direction.

Consistent boundaries and standards give a child and the whole family a feeling of security and safety. It is within this safe environment that self-discipline and life skills begin to flourish and develop.

Clearly define what is acceptable and what is not

When we, as a community as well as a family, give consistent messages to our children concerning dangerous, unacceptable and unkind behavior, it will be easier for them to forgo temptation to participate. It is our responsibility as adults to help them learn and live by the basic rule that actions have consequences.

We need to assume the responsibility to teach them when they have overstepped a boundary of respectful behavior. They will not know unless we tell them and name the action. For instance; When you use slang names for a group of people, it is derogatory and not acceptable behavior. We do not speak of others that way in our family.

Those children who develop a habit of thinking about the connection will be in a position of strength. Their choices will be immeasurably easier to make because they have been given a framework for decision-making.

Repair or rebuild the boundary, if necessary

I encourage you to be firm, consistent and kind in your discipline. It is vital to always follow through. Dont make threats, make promises. If you take away TV privileges the first time he doesnt take out the garbage, but ignore it the second and third time, he will soon learn that you dont always mean what you say. The child will learn how to be a manipulator, and you will still have the misbehavior to deal with.

You are the adult, and so it is your job to repair the fence when it is broken or stretched out. Boundaries dont fence us in but rather they allow us freedom to grow and develop, knowing that we are safe and loved unconditionally. It is never a guessing game of what will happen when but rather a sure foundation of acceptable behavior..

You can do it. I believe in you

You are doing the most important job in the world, raising self-disciplined, thoughtful and contributing children. Thank you for your time and effort. We will all be blessed by having members of society who work within a framework of acceptable behavior.

Consistent Boundaries Makes Discipline Easier
By Judy H. Wright 2005 www.ArtichokePress.com

Judy H. Wright

Judy is a parent educator, family coach, and personal historian who has written more than 20 books, hundreds of articles and speaks internationally on family issues, including end of life. . Active as a PBS-Ready to learn consultant, she works with Head Start organizations and child care resource centers. She and Dwain, her husband of 40 years, have six grown children and seven grandchildren. They consider their greatest success in life that their children like themselves and each other.

The symbol of the artichoke has great meaning for Judy in her teaching and writing. As she works with families, she sees that frequently only the outer edges are exposed and they can be prickly and sometimes bitter to the taste. But, as you expose the artichoke and people to warmth, caring, and time, gradually the leaves begin to open and expose the real treasure­the heart.

The artichoke also became a teaching lesson when Judy, with her young family, moved into military housing in California to find Artichokes in their yard. Given that it takes two years for the vegetable to flower, the original gardener never got to see the seeds of her labor. Many times, our actions and reactions in life are felt by people we will never meet, but we plant the seeds of kindness anyway.

You will enjoy Judy's approachable manner, wonderful storytelling and common-sense solutions gleaned from working with hundreds of families and organizations just like yours. Your encounter with Judy will leave you feeling inspired, entertained and especially motivated. Visit Judy's website for excellent references and a full listing of books, workshop topics, tele-classes and testimonials.

To make arrangements for your group or organization to enjoy having Judy present a keynote address, workshop or training session, please contact her at her website, via phone at (406) 549-9813 or via email at Judy@ArtichokePress.com

?Finding the heart of the story in the journey of life.?