Christian Carter of Catch Him and Keep Him interviewed Rori Gwynn, noted dating advice coach, this month in his Interviews With Dating & Relationships Experts series.
Rori begins the interview by telling Christian how she made some terrible choices in men in her early dating career. When she met her husband, she was not interested in him at all. She realized, however, that the choices she had been making were not good choices, and she made a conscious choice to give her husband a chance. After making this choice, she and her husband began dating and were married within 6 months.
However, the fairy tale ended after the birth of her daughter. Rori began to feel angry and unhappy in her marriage. She realized she was being manipulative of her husband, she was telling him what to do constantly, and with her constant interference was actually pushing him away.
Rori realized what she was doing, and began the road to healing her marriage by instantly stopping the manipulation of her husband, stopping the interference and the way she was pushing him. She noticed an immediate difference in her marriage.
Rori has identified 5 keys to success in any relationship. She tells Christian Carter that the first key she has discovered is deciding to be in a relationship. Being in a relationship means giving up independence. In the first step, deciding to go into a relationship, Rori explains that women must ready themselves for a relationship. She encourages them to clean out a drawer for a man, make her house and bedroom ready for another person, and to essentially 'create a void' for her partner to eventually fill.
Step 2 is separating the masculine and feminine - the thinking, decision making, doing masculine energy partner, or the feeling, intuitive, sensual female partner. Like an intricate dance, there can be some fluctuation, with either partner at times showing attributes of the other, but for the most part, develop your role as the feminine or masculine. One way that women drive men away is by trying to be in control all the time, deciding where to go and when to go and how to do things. By making these decisions, the woman is telling the man he is not doing it right, he is not capable of taking a leadership role.
The third step is to 'support the team'. The decision must be made to support the relationship in everything you do. The fourth key is to 'respect the masculine' and stopping the disrespect toward the partner. The fifth key is to express the feminine. Express the feminine gender in 'just being', stopping when you are rushing, experiencing feelings and allowing those feelings to come through.
Rori also highly recommends not having a sexual relationship with a man for quite a while. Sexual relationships leave women vulnerable and create almost an addiction through attraction. Rori also encourages women to focus on how they feel, and not what the man is thinking.
Coach Rori tells Christian Carter that her mantra is 'Trust your boundaries, follow your feelings, choose your words and be surprised.' Rori truly encourages a woman to follow this mantra, trusting in your inner self and following your feelings by allowing yourself to feel your emotions and express them, but to express them by saying 'I feel this' and give no explanation, allowing the man to step into his role and explore why you feel the way you do if he is able to. When you choose your words by with-holding some of the explanations for your feelings, you allow the man to explore his own feelings and his own place in the relationship.
The happy ending to this all is the 'surprise'. If you allow your man to explore his own needs without putting your feelings in his mouth so to speak, you will be surprised at how it all turns out and how you and your partner will grow together and into a cohesive, well rounded unit. |
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